Hallucinations Written While James Plays Anja


  • Hilt

    The next time you’re in a room with loud cheering, perhaps at a sports bar or when watching something on television…

    The cheering sounds like it keeps getting closer to you. Not louder in originating volume, but sounding like the same voices were doing their cheering closer and closer to you each time they cheered, until finally they are all right next to you.

    At that point you notice that you are on a couch (still in the same room you were), and that there is a TV in front of you, if there wasn’t already. The voices of the cheering, and the people making them, are also on the couch, or sitting right in front of it, or standing behind it, all watching the TV screen.

    On the TV is a sport of two people on a large chess board. Well, 64 people. 63 of them are all dressed as the White Queen. The 64th piece on the board is a man dressed as a Nutty Professor. The Nutty Professor takes out his short sword and stabs one of the queens in the heart, and she falls to the ground. As she falls, she clasps the end of a long, thin, gossomer chain onto his wrist. The other end seems to be attached to something off screen. He cries out in pride, “Huzzah!” The people all around you cheer, “Yeah, get her!”

    One of the queens calls out, “I’m so stupid.” In a rage, the Nutty Professor runs toward her and stabs her in the heart, screaming “YOU’RE SO STUPID” into her face as she falls. As before, she clasps one end of a long, thin chain to some part of her body as she dies. Again, the crowd cheers.

    This continues. “I’m so stupid… You’re so stupid… Chain… Cheer.” Some one asks, “who is winning?” The crowd says, “Oh, obviously the Professor. Just look at how many times he’s killed her.” You decide to pipe up “But what about all those chains they’re putting on him?” The crowd says in unison, “What chains? She’s so stupid.” As the savage blood bath continues and more and more chains get added to the Nutty Professor, movement begins to get difficult for him. And yet it continues.

    Eventually, when there are only about twenty White Queens remaining, the Nutty Professor can only move with great difficulty, for the resistance he encounters from every direction is becoming almost too much, and each move onlly entangles him more. “Are you sure he’s winning?” you ask. The crowd guffaws, “She’s so stupid.”

    Suddenly the White Drag King walks into the room where you are all watching this bizarre sport. “We don’t allow Professors in this house!” she decrees and turns the TV off before walking off. The TV explodes, releasing confetti everywhere with the sound of celebratory kazoos. The rest of the crowd shrugs and says “Well, at least we all know he was going to win. She’s so stupid.”

    The crowd disperses to its proper distance, your seat returns to whatever it was before, and the TV either fades from view or returns to its non-explosion self.

    As the hallucination fades, you’re pissed. Now you’ll never get to prove to that stupid crowd that she was winning.


  • Hilt

    ((On second thought I will not be posting them all in this thread,like that. That would provide organization and searchability to something that is supposed to be inherently disordered.))